Healing: Birth After Birth Trauma
You are not a Failure.
I felt as though I had failed at the first hurdle after my traumatic first birth experience. I didn’t realise at the time that I had not failed, but I had been failed. I also didn’t realise that there were so many other women out there, feeling similar.
This feeling of deep inadequacy is then carried with us into our motherhood journey, and lies underneath the surface of everything we do after this. It stays with us weeks, months and even years after, really it will stay with us and seep into everything, until we have healed from it.
For many of us, it’s often the first birth that gets sabotaged and results in Birth Trauma. Leaving us with a sense of shame, which is not on us to be carried. The shame is a heavy burden that does not serve us or anyone else.
It is NOT your fault.
I can not stress this following point enough.
You did not make the wrong decision, you made the decision that felt to you the safest decision to make, with the information you had, at the time. It is not to be judged, but accepted with love for yourself. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Sometimes, there are rare occasions where there are serious obstetric emergencies that haven’t been caused by prior medical interventions, and this can also leave you with birth trauma. There are also women out there, and you may be one of them, who sadly lost their baby amidst the traumatic birth. Please know I see you, you are loved.
PTSD in a subsequent pregnancy
It is not uncommon for women with unresolved birth trauma, to go on to develop PTSD.
PTSD symptoms in the next pregnancy, particularly as you get closer to the birth, is quite normal where unresolved trauma lies. I have personal experience of this and I had EMDR therapy with a clinical psychologist who I trusted. This helped me work through my birth trauma and opened up space for me to feel safe within myself in preparation for the next birth.
The idea of carrying a baby or birthing again often feels frightening.
But I am confident that anyone who wishes to, can change the narrative they hold around birth, with the right support and guidance, to rebuild trust in themselves and their incredible body.
Compassion & Love
Firstly, meet yourself with compassion and love for what you have endured. Find someone you can confide in who will meet you with the same, ideally a professional who has experience helping others through similar, but at the very least, this person must feel safe to you.
Safe Relationships & Reflections
Once a safe relationship is established you can begin to reflect on what happened leading up to and during this difficult experience. Part of this reflection is likely to include recognising the role we played ourselves, which enabled this situation, this can be difficult to do especially if you are not working with someone who can remind you to meet yourself with love.
I am not saying you are to blame, or that you caused any of this to happen. What I am saying is that there are so many people living with birth trauma, that when you think about the fact, birth is a physiological process, it doesn’t make logical sense for so many people to be traumatised by it.
Physiological processes aren’t inherently dangerous, surely nature would make birth an enjoyable, perhaps challenging but exhilarating experience, so that we would want to do it again, otherwise how else would the human race survive?
It’s from our reflection on what happened that we can navigate the path for our future pregnancy and birth, from a place of peace, instead of fear. I recommend starting this work prior to your next pregnancy, however if you are already pregnant it is still possible to do this, but as pregnancy already leaves us feeling vulnerable, it is even more important to do this with support.
During the process of reflection, it’s often when you start to realise how one thing led to another, for example, a fundal height measurement led to a growth scan, a growth scan leads to an induction recommendation, which then leads to a cascade of further intervention. During this reflection it can feel deeply unsettling, but embracing it will help heal yourself and anchor you to your intuition, which can then be used as the driving force for future decision making.
With this new insight, you can carve out a path for your next pregnancy, one where you are in control and able to ask the questions, to get the answers you need to make an informed decision.
Peace or Fear
What is important is how you feel about the decisions you are making, and the information and support you are receiving. Does it feel right? Do you feel uncomfortable around someone? Are you being rushed? Is your decision being made with a feeling of inner peace, or fear?
A decision made out of fear, is not a fully informed and empowered decision. A decision made from peace, regardless of the outcome, will not be a decision you regret.
What matters to me is every woman has the opportunity to heal from birth trauma, should she want to. Women deserve to be honoured, held, supported, and listened to.
You can go on to have the most incredible birth experience, a prior traumatic birth experience does not have to define your future experiences, it does not have to limit you, instead it can be just what you needed, to open you up more than you ever realised you could.
You deserve to feel safe and heard.
If you’re navigating life after a traumatic birth or preparing for a future pregnancy or birth, you don’t have to do it alone. I offer free, no-pressure discovery calls where we can gently explore your experiences, your hopes, and how I can support you moving forward.
Wishing you love & light.
Jaz x
Cover photo - Maddy from Sunshine And Raebows